“Madam, Smedley is the only rough trade of the house but you make me take care of him. Me, exclusively. It is a burden,” said Eve. “You could spread him around and give the other girls a taste or two.”
Unbeknownst to her, she got Smedley because she was known as a push over.
“Madam, it’s like fucking a cadaver, but a cadaver suffering priaprism.”
Madam looked at Eve knowingly.
“You do give him the wash cloth, warm water, water basin treatment beforehand, doncha, Eve?”
“Of course I do, because that’s traditional. I’ve also suggested a full bath or shower, or first a bath, then a shower. The one time he accepted, I spent about an hour lovingly carressing him with the wash cloth. It did no good. Smedley stank just as much as when we’d started.”
Eve considered bribing Smedley, as in, “I won’t take your money, but you take mine. Now you’ve taken my money, now get out of here. She who pays the piper calls the tune, and the tune I call is, “beat it!”
This would never work because Smedley already had more money than he could ever spend. Even if Eve paid Smedley ten times what Smedley paid her, it would be as nothing to Smedley. Smedley did pay Eve generously.
“Isn’t Smedley a lot like you and me,” the Madam, with her immaculate skin irrelevant behind layers of arduously applied makeup. Including rouge and a white powder dispensed from a powder puff Madam always carried with her. The powder puff was part of Madam’s glamorous act.
Eve should have been direct in her response, saying, “Smedley is nothing like you and me or any of our other clients, ever. He’s maybe an alien or at least another species, or subspecies, of a primate or something.”
Eve also could have said, “You know when you go to the zoo and visit the monkey house? You know when that terrible monkey smell hits your nostrils? You know when the monkeys throw their poop at each other?? Go ahead and say you are a lot like that, but don’t include me in your comparison.”
Instead, Eve demurely demurred.
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